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10.5 Months

A small tuft of blonde hair bounces 
as you shake your head ‘no no no’
Your eyes sparkle and 
transform into half moons
Lips spreading into a smile

And you’re off just like that

Little legs and puffs of breath 
working in tandem
Stand steady, wobble, butt, crawl, 
dagny, hi, wave and repeat. 

You marvel at the world
Curious and fearless
Unbound 
And 
Untainted. 

The world grows
My heart leaps 
As you stumble towards the door

How quickly (and slowly) time passes
(I try to appreciate it all)
How I wish to freeze this moment 
yet yearn to see the future you
Let this memory seer deep into my core, 
The fabric of my being

Sweet, little one, grow, slow, keep on, stay here
Let me hold you for just a little longer right here

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Sleep Was Not for You

Once again, willful one,
You decided that sleep was not for you

You decided that pre-dawn conversations
Would improve your language skills

Through the crackling in a tinny delight
the monitor recalled your dream

Were you saving the universe, my little force of power? Or are you running around with Kibby? Grabbing her tail and squealing?

I smile in a haze
Maybe one day you’ll love to sleep in

And when you do I’ll remember this night.

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Belly Raspberries

Blinking away the fog of sleep
Confusion dissolves
with a toothless grin

A sudden eruption
of laugher
tickles my ears

Our eyes meet
and in that moment
is an infinite
understanding

In this moment
you are football sized
with little rolls on your legs
wide spreading fingers
and kicking legs

In this moment
You are angry
No, happy, sad, calm and raging

In this moment
this brief second
I realize
that I am like you
Naive and curious

Who will you be when you grow up?
What you spike your interest?
Who knows?

For now, belly raspberries will do.

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Star Struck

You, sweet one,
gaze up at the stars
floating above your head

They bounce
and sway
as your hands reach upwards

Just yesterday
you hardly noticed them
but now
how fancinating
they are
Even more since they are just out of reach from those octopus blind arms

I see how the wheels spin in your mind
Complex algorithms
A mathmatical whirl

your determination grows

Reach up
Wiggle fingers
Sigh

Grasp
Hold
Mouth
A silent cheer of happiness as you swing your prize about

How sweet is my reward of seeing you

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4am

I found my heart
full
this morning

In the dark veil of night
I crept about the house
Musing over the soft sighs
and coos from the other room

We rocked
Your body melted into mine

my heart
softened

The radiator’s clank
and the gentle glide of the chair
soothes like a calling
back to home

Back to rest

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July, July, July

I sit and look into Hazel’s big rich eyes as her blinks get longer and longer and her wriggling little body settles more and more, and I am overcome with wonder. I love this little kid so much. I tell her about all of the qualities I think and hope she’ll have. I tell her that she’ll probably be emphatic and sensitive, but funny and sharp. I tell her that she’ll be capable and strong, but delicate and beautiful, like spider’s silk.

She smiles as she falls asleep. That’s how I know she’ll truly be out soon. The work of processing every confusing new experience moment by moment is nearing a close for the day, and she can grin at a job well-done.

We recently had our first day & night away for Kat’s birthday and it was an amazing 9+ hours of sleep. An enormous debt of gratitude is owed to Debra for not only being so willing to take Hazel, but also for so obviously loving her so much. Our hike was lovely in the downpour and 70 mph winds. I’m not sure Hazel would have been quite cut out for it just yet.

Brock and Hazel are bonding. Perhaps he recognizes another warm body to cuddle up to. Kibby loves her so much that we have to pull her away from Hazel because she won’t stop kissing her until we force her to. Roger doesn’t seem interested but he’s probably autistic so I’m not sure he knows how to express himself emotionally to her. They are all going to be very, very good friends, one way or another. I can’t wait to see her bloom.

Our situation is so fortunate that I worry about how much I’ve gained such that I have more now to lose than ever before, but I can’t dwell on it. It’s an unbelievable gift.